Onion: Thousands of very frightened new rainforest species discovered
|May 28, 2012||Posted by News under Just For Fun, News|
MANAUS, BRAZIL—A team of scientists studying the Amazon Rainforest announced the remarkable discovery this week of thousands of previously undiscovered mammals, reptiles, birds and other species desperately cowering for dear life under rocks and assorted foliage.
According to biologists, the 16-month expedition in search of new indigenous lifeforms in the Amazon River basin was a remarkable success, uncovering over 2,300 varieties of heretofore unclassified lemurs, tarantulas, and porcupines as they convulsed in terror under flora and frantically scrambled up trees for safety.
According to biologists, several unfamiliar creatures, while appearing similar to counterparts from other parts of the world, possessed new and unique characteristics. For instance, within the amphibian class researchers observed a salamander that could secrete eight distinct fear-based fluids, a newt that regularly suffers from anxiety attacks, and a bullfrog that appeared to actually be praying.
Some hint darkly that they got the news about that new Amazon Basin Total Amusement attraction: “Las Vegas rivalled every single night!” 😉